Football Survey

For the last decade, if not longer, I’ve done an end of year gig survey, giving a bit of an overview of the gigs I’ve attended this year. For the first time since I had a half season-ticket for Gillingham’s glorious promotion winning season of 1999-2000, I’ve attended more football matches than gigs in a calendar year - so I thought, why not rejig the survey for football? 

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Top 5 games of the year?

1. England 2 Germany 1 aet, Wembley, 31st July
2. BSG Chemie Leipzig 1 Berliner Dynamo 1, Alfred-Kunze-Sportpark, 13th March
3. Arsenal  7 Aston Villa 0, Meadow Park, 1st May
4. Germany 4 Denmark 0, Brentford Community Stadium, 8th July
5. Arsenal 2 Ajax Amsterdam 2, Meadow Park, 20th September

Total number of matches?

Eleven, first year in ages I’ve hit double digits!

First match of the year?

Chemie Leipzig 1 Berliner Dynamo 1, 13th March

Last match of the year?

Arsenal 1 Everton 0, 3rd December

Most surprising game?

I honestly didn’t expect England to come out on top in the Euro 2022 final!

Most disappointing?

England 0 Czech Republic 0, 11th October. I’ve had hangovers more fun than that.

Farthest travelled?

Alfred-Kunze-Sportpark in Leipzig, 600 miles/1,000 km from my front door.

States attended games in?

Cheerful, grateful, euphoric, drunk, bored, knackered and achy.

Stadium most visited?

Amex/Falmer Community stadium in Brighton and Meadow Park in London, both three times.

Worst injury?

I had a horrible attack of hay-fever during the second half of the Germany vs Denmark game that sent me scrambling for antihistamines in a nearby Sainsburys afterwards. This was mid July, in the middle of a hot spell that I thought had burnt up all plant life in the country, and after not being affected by hay-fever all year prior to that I thought I was safe - evidently not!

Most expensive ticket?

The Euro 2022 final ticket was £25, that was my highest. The perks of watching women’s football! (Or 4th tier German men’s football)

Player seen the most?

I saw Lena Oberdorf play four times for club and country - the first two, in club colours, I didn’t really appreciate her style, but I came around quickly after she tucked Pernille Harder in her pocket for Germany! I think Leah Williamson and Beth Mead top her with six appearances apiece. Shoutout to Karen Holmgaard who was the only player I saw play twice for two different clubs - Turbine Potsdam in May, and Everton in December. She didn’t make it off the bench for Germany’s massacre of Denmark, otherwise I would’ve seen her play three times for three different teams, with a combined scoreline of 0-9 in those games! 

Best new discovery?

Definitely Lena Oberdorf! Her tough-tackling style, complete with Wob buying up two of my other favourite German players (Merle Frohms and Jule Brand), plus my partner being in awe of Wassmuth’s cheekbones and Jonsdottir’s...general awesomness, means that I’ve been streaming more Wolfsburg games than I expected this autumn.

Bands seen this year that also broke up this year?

I’m not sure how to make this football related, but I’m open to suggestions.

Friends made at games?

I don’t know if they count, as I knew Joel online before the matches, but in May I flew to Cologne all alone for the German cup final (Wolfsburg vs Turbine Potsdam). A 50,000 seater stadium, and I knew only one other person there. Walking out of the toilets before the match, guess who I bump into? We sat together and had a great time, even if the result didn’t go our way. Two months later, having sat with Jamie, Mary, Adam and friends before the match, I made my way around the Wembley concourse to find my gate for the Euros final when I hear my name shouted from a queue. Guess who it was?!

Footballers met?

Tricky, in this post-COVID era, and with the general increase in popularity of the women’s game this will become rarer. But after the Arsenal vs Villa game at the end of last season I met and got a photo with then-England keeper Hannah Hampton - a player I’ve both enjoyed and been frustrated by watching whenever she’s played against a team I like. 

Best souvenir from a game?

My Chemie Leipzig scarf is soft, comfortable, and confuses the heck out of people as it’s green and white. (”Who’s that? Celtic? Plymouth? Yeovil? St Etienne?”) 

Longest time in line?

Aside from Wembley, I’ve had very little queuing.

Games seen from the front row?

Arsenal’s games at Meadow Park I’ve seen from my favoured spot on the front row of the northern terraces. I was pretty far forward for the Wolfsburg vs Turbine game and as a consequence couldn’t see much action in the opposite goalmouth. 

Most games in one month?

July had four, a result of my country hosting an international tournament.

Most games in one week?

Two! Austria vs Norway and England vs Spain within five days of each other.

Biggest crowd?

Wembley, for the Euros final! 87,192 in attendance, the largest crowd for a European Championship game ever, of any gender. 

Any drunk encounters?

I took advantage of being able to drink beer in the stands at the two games in Germany. The England vs Czech Republic game was so dull I made good use of Harvey’s being on tap in the lounge nearby, too. I also had a fun encounter with a drunk Portsmouth fan at the England vs Spain game.

Top 5 best 2022 footballing moments:

1. There were three iconic goals that did the advancement of the women’s game in England no end of good this summer, and I witness two of them in person! Chloe Kelly’s winner against Germany in the goalmouth at my end in the final is an obvious one, as well as Russo’s cheeky backheel in the semi. But Ella Toone’s equaliser in the quarter final against Spain was just as important. This was the first of four quarter final matches, and after a rampaging group stage the Lionesses had really captured the attention of the country. Had they gone out the first time they played a decent team it would’ve deflated the mood; attendances probably would’ve dropped, the usual sexist bores would’ve trumpeted the usual remarks, and it would not have come home. With Toone’s header - and Stanway’s winner - they really got the country behind them!

2. For sheer luck, bumping into the same person in crowds of 50,000 and 87,000 on separate occasions was great!

3. Chatting to a drunk Portsmouth fan next to me at the England vs Spain game. I was wearing an old Germany away shirt, for fun.

"So, <cod 'allo 'allo style accent>, ver you 'oping vor Germany tonight?" 

Me: "No, my friends thought it would be funny if I wore a Germany shirt to the game."

After discussing the tournament so far: "What was the last club match you went to?" "Wolfsburg vs Turbine Potsdam in the German cup final" "Is that your team then, Wolfsburg?" "Nah, I'm a Gillingham fan!" I genuinely think I broke him. 

Me: "Weird seeing a match from this angle, it's like a Football Manager game!" Him: "Dare I ask which team you're managing?" "Pisa, in Italy" "You fascinate me, man"

4. On the subject of Football Manager - in March 2020, Red Bull Leipzig were getting a lot of puff pieces in the English press, as they were due to play Spurs in the Champions League, and so the media were fawning all over how they had bought out a village team, renamed them after a soft drink and shovelled millions into the club built a team up from nothing to be title contenders. When lockdown hit, and I was bored, rather than spend my time improving myself as a person I decided to prove that it could be done properly - I took over an actual Leipzig side, then languishing in the 5th tier, and with only my skills and no influx of cash beyond what I could earn from promotions and player sales, tried to make them bigger than Red Bull. In that save my Chemie Leipzig side have won ten times more league titles and four more Champions League than RB. In real life, they’re in the German 4th tier, but while nearby on holiday in March I took advantage of the fixtures and went to see them grind out a 1-1 draw against the league leaders. It was cold, I missed both goals queuing for beer, but the atmosphere was amazing and I was so glad I got to see my beautiful football boys in the flesh! 

5. Steve Evans and Gillingham parted ways. I had been boycotting my childhood club while that odious crook was in charge, so I was glad to call myself a Gills fan again. 

6. BONUS! While on a run in a tiny Czech industrial town I found the football stadium. And broke in (went through an open gate) to take a picture of me in the main stand! 

Top 3 worst 2022 footballing moments:

1. Prasnikar’s goal for Frankfurt against Potsdam in the league at the end of May. A point for Potsdam would’ve probably seen them qualify for the Champions League - the influx of cash certainly would’ve helped keep the team together. Instead, following a 4-0 hammering in the cup final, a large number of players left, to be replaced by recruits from the 3rd division; they were followed by the manager and president. Turbine are now bottom of the league, and this once great club who play in blue and white are now odds-on for relegation. Remove the “once great” part and it could describe Gillingham’s season too - clearly I have a type!

2. I regret wearing my Germany shirt to the Wembley final.

3. I regret going out into the cold to watch England 0 Czech Republic 0.

Gig survey 2022

It’s back! After the last two quiet years (2021 had two gigs, 2020 half that), my annual gig survey makes a  return. 

 Top 5 shows of the year?

1. Muna, Chalk, 11th November
2. Against The Current, Chalk, 31st March
3. Poppy, Shepherds Bush Empire, 27th November
4. Lights, Chalk, 24th September
5. Carly Rae Jepsen, Somerset House, 11th July

Total number of shows?

Ten, significantly more than the last two years combined!

First show of the year?

Foxes, at Islington Assembly Hall, 2nd March.

Last show of the year?

Poppy, at Shepherd’s Bush Empire, November 27th.

Most surprising show?

Three different shows are tied for this, all of which took place at the same venue. In mid March Dana had been to see Bastille at Chalk, and while in the chippy that same night I noticed a pop-punk band were due to play there at the end of the month. I dropped £10 on the tickets, not expecting to go, and had a fantastic time watching Against The Current! Six months later I went along with Dana to a gig she’d bought a pair of tickets for, being vaguely aware of who Lights was, and had another fantastic time, so when she gently reminded me that she’d got an extra for Muna (a band I only knew from one song with Phoebe Bridgers) I didn’t hesitate to accompany her, and was rewarded!

Most disappointing?

Foxes, two years of not really going to gigs had made a lot of people forget their manners.

Farthest travelled?

Wembley arena, 56 miles or 90km from my front door.

States attended shows in?

Cheerful, grateful, euphoric, terrified, bored, knackered and achy. 

Venue most visited?

Chalk in Brighton, three times.

Worst injury?

My legs were terribly achy for the Sigrid gig, after Muna the night before and a day around London.

Most expensive ticket?

I think perhaps Olivia Rodrigo? Or Carly?

Band seen the most?

No repeats, everyone was one and done.

Best new discovery?

As alluded to above, I didn't pay the greatest of attention to Against The Current, Lights or Muna before seeing them live. Witch Fever were a fun support for Poppy.

Bands seen this year that also broke up this year?

None!

Friends made at shows?

None! Just the two gigs on my own (ATC and Poppy) and I didn't feel particularly social at either.

Band members met?

None that I've seen live, but I've hung out with Billy and Camille from The Subways a couple of times in Brighton.

Best souvenir from a show?

Just the two band t-shirts this year, a £10 Against The Current one and a £30 Poppy one. I wanted to pay a fiver for a Foxes hoodie but they only had small sizes left.

Longest time in line?

The longest was before Olivia Rodrigo, which ended up queuing round the block but that didn't take long to clear.

Shows seen from the barricade [front row]?

But as a consequence, we didn't make the front row for any.

Most shows in one month?

November had three...

Most shows in one week?

... Including Muna and Sigrid in successive days.

Biggest crowd?

Probably Christina Aguilera at Pride.

Any drunk encounters?

No, surprisingly! I stayed restrained with my drinking, and nobody around me was annoyingly drunk either.

Top 5 best 2022 concert moments:

1. As Sophie Ellis-Bextor launched into her 2001 number 1 Groovejet (If This Ain't Love) at Brighton Pride, I casually remarked to Dana and her sister Sophie that it was the first song ever played on an iPod. One of the lads in front of me, apparently within earshot, turned to me and asked if it was true, then immediately said to his friend group "guys! You'll never guess what I just learned!"

2. On a similar note, talking to Ian before Carly, the conversation turned to Avril Lavigne and I brought up my planned jukebox musical (Complicated: An Avril Lavigne Musical). He thought I was joking right up until I showed him the Google Doc with the song list and rough plot outline. After reading through and conceding that, yes, I was serious and yes, that could actually work, one of the girls behind asked if she could read it as well!

3. A small one, but during the blisteringly hot Sunday at Brighton Pride, the sight of a goth chap dressed head to toe in black leather, white face paint and all, cheerfully tucking in a 99 ice cream (flake as well!)

4. Against The Current felt like the first proper gig since, well, the last time I did one of these. Chrissy commented that with the state of things, they didn't know how many shows they'd get to perform, so were committed to throwing themselves into each show 100% - and it showed!

5. Muna was amazing, everyone in stage and in the audience were fully up for it, and the crowd was genuinely the nicest crowd at a gig I've ever been in!

Top 3 worst 2022 concert moments:

1. Foxes showed that some people had forgotten how to behave at gigs in the two years without any - the most egregious being the woman listening to WhatsApp voice notes, without headphones, in the front row.

2. Sigrid was unfortunately timed directly after such a great gig the night before, and off the back of a full day in London, I was tired, achy and grumpy.

3. This should've had more gigs to choose from. We planned a trip to Germany to see a couple of Aly & AJ gigs in March which were cancelled; we ducked out of Wet Leg in April because I really didn't see the hype; Dana had to miss the Olivia Rodrigo and CRJ gigs because of real life getting in the way; Pale Waves cancelled an in store because one of the band was ill; we didn't go to Sugababes because I was ill; and finally didn't attempt six hours of travel for Tove Lo because of rail strikes.

Slowing down

 I'm never going to get another PB.

For those of you not in the running world, PB means Personal Best. I have a chalkboard on our living room door, made for me one Christmas by my lovely wife, on which I have my PB times for a 5k (3.2 miles), 10k (6.4 miles), half marathon (21.1k/13.1 miles) and marathon (42.2k/26.2 miles) distances. It also has a place for my race numbers, and hooks to hang my medals on.

Every time I've broken my PB in the past, I've come home and wiped the old, outdated time off the board before my shower. (Usually using the sweatband drenched in the efforts of the record breaking run - I'm not sure if this is superstitious, or just gross.) This was a fairly regular occurance - one of my resolutions at the start of 2020 was to get a new PB at least five times, which I managed at the end of September by breaking the 10k PB I'd set back in January. I broke the September PB in January of 2021, and with the return of parkrun later in the year I gradually chipped away at my 5k times, bringing it down to 24:18 in November 2021.

So what's changed? Well, for a start, I've stopped doing such a physical job. Six months ago I left a role that was soul-destroying but excellent for my fitness - I'd regularly cycle 12k a day, and walk a further 15 - for an office job. More restful, but my tummy has grown while my stamina has dropped. The Worthing Half in late April would've been ideal - a few weeks out from leaving that dreadful role, still with the residual fitness but after a few weeks of rest - except the heat, a boring course and issues with my sciatic nerve meant my time was two minutes slower than my last half marathon, which took place two years before and on a harder course. 

No matter, I could take the handbrake off and really go for it after that, right? Well, no. Coming back from a weekend in Cologne I felt a bit rough, coughing a bit and generally feeling unwell. After a quick test it turned out I'd contracted the wonderful COVID-19 virus, and while I only missed a weekend of running due to it, the after-effects took a while to get over. I started telling myself that it was the heat, as by the time I was up and running again it was mid-June, the temperatures were exceeding 20 degrees and I never do well in that weather. 

I was lying to myself. My 5k time since has been around the 26/27 minute mark, I've not had a 10k take less than an hour, and I've found myself slowing to walk during longer runs too. The virus and the slovenly job have taken their toll on my body. I'm not as fit as I was six months ago. My last 5k PB was set nearly a year ago, my last 10k PB in January this year (52:30). Comparing my times post-COVID I'm around 10% slower. 

I'm never going to get another PB...and that's ok. I've had a good run. Heck, a decade ago I did no exercise at all, now I'm annoyed because I'm prohibited from running this weekend. I'm much fitter and healthier than I was back then, and given the way the body ages, I was going to hit a point where I'd never get another PB. At least this way I'm aware of it and can pinpoint it, rather than realising I hadn't got one in a year, pushing my body harder than it is capable of, and doing myself damage. I've reached my peak, and now starts the gentle decline, as my body ages. As long as I can keep my 5k time in minutes smaller than my age in years, I'll be happy. 

Alternative Phonetic Alphabet

 …For when the customer’s just too annoying to deal with normally.

A for horses
B for chicken (beef or chicken)
C is a harsh mistress
D for double-U
E for eye
F for vesscent (Effervescent – fizzy)
G for gnome
H for hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmingbird
I for an eye
J for Gillingham
K for knot
L for leather
M for mnemonic
N for Nicompoopery
O for the wings of a Dove
P for pterodactyl
Q for stamps at the post office
R for army
S for sea
T with milk and two sugars, please
U for me and me for you
V for Vendetta
W for two lots of you
X for Exeter
Y for the love of god, why!
Z for Xylophone