Thursday, February 26, 2009

Alphabet Soup

Some of you who have added me on Facebook may have noticed something amiss about my profile pictures of the last month. Specifically, that they've all been covers of popular albums. The idea was suggested by a user on the Tube Challenge forums, Charlie Southwell to make February an alphabet month - one picture each day representing a letter of the alphabet. On January 31st I was frantically hunting round my room to find something for A for the following day when my eyes alighted on my poster for the Pink Floyd album "Animals" and an idea was set. Why not use albums? Just to make it trickier, they would have to be albums that I own...

I've composed a playlist of one song from each album, in alphabetical order.

Pink Floyd - Pigs (Animals)
AC/DC - Hells Bells (Back In Black)
Duke Spirit - Love Is An Unforgivable Name (Cuts Across The Land)
Pink Floyd - Money (Dark Side Of The Moon)
Rilo Kiley - A Better Son/Daughter (Execution Of All Things*)
Neil Young - Don't Cry (Freedom)
Garbage - Not My Idea (G)
Eagles - Last Resort (Hotel California)
Led Zeppelin - All My Love (In Through The Out Door)
Aerosmith - Jaded (Just Push Play)
Metallica - Seek And Destroy (Kill 'Em All)
Avril Lavigne - Sk8er Boi (Let Go)
Rammstein - Feuer Frei! (Mutter)
Queen - Sheer Heart Attack (News Of The World)
Metric - Dead Disco (Old World Underground)
Aerosmith - Rag Doll (Permanent Vacation)
Queens Of The Stone Age - Dear John (Queens Of The Stone Age)
Rosie And The Goldbug - War Of The Roses (Rosie And The Goldbug)
Rammstein - Du Hast (Sehnsucht)
Spinal Tap - Big Bottom (This Is Spinal Tap)
Guns N Roses - Coma (Use Your Illusion I)
Garbage - Push It (Version 2.0)
The Pipettes - Pull Shapes (We Are The Pipettes)
Coldplay - Fix You (X & Y**)
The Subways - Oh Yeah (Young For Eternity)
ZZ Top - Viva Las Vegas (ZZ Top's Greatest Hits***)

*I know it's "The Execution Of All Things", but Windows Media player lists it under E in the albums section.
**Have you got a better album beginning with X?
***Or Z, for that matter?

Thursday, February 19, 2009

"Can we film the operation...

Is the head dead yet?
You know, the boys in the newsroom got a
Running bet"

Don Henley - Dirty Laundry

Made a fool of yourself on TV? Portrayed yourself as someone thicker than two short planks nailed together with extra thick nails? Taken part in racial bullying on a prime time show? We'll lambaste you in our editorials, harangue you on the front pages and poke fun at you in our letters column.

What's that? Suddenly announced you're dying of cancer (after ignoring abnormal cells on a smear test 18 months ago)? Come this way, we'll pepper the public with how brave you are, pay you mountains of money for "your story", and revere you as though you were the daughter of god himself. We'll make the general public sympathise with your plight, forgetting that three months ago we were organising a flaming mob outside your house.

Whatever your views on Jade Goody, the about face and hypocrisy of the media piss me right off.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Few things from life at the moment

Firstly, one of the best put-downs ever for charity muggers in the high street:

"'scuse me, do you want to give money to Cancer Research?"
"Sorry, I can't, mate. I'm a Leo."

Yesterday at work we had a power outage due to some local prats stealing copper wire from the nearest sub-station (I'm still genuinely unsure whether to laugh at their stupidity or praise their bravado). Not only was the power out at work but the big four way road junction lost all power to the traffic lights as well. Four hours without traffic signals and not one blasted accident was disappointing, but my colleagues made up for it.

"I can't believe all the power's gone out!" said one, who wasn't the sharpest bulb in the toybox. "Will the buses still be running?"

A collective pause amongst our team. Was she really stupid enough to say that?

"That's a good point Alayna, I hope the power cut doesn't cause the sun to go out too!"
"And that postman down there! Will he still be able to deliver letters with the power out?!?"

She's not yet lived it down. But then again, stupidity yesterday wasn't limited to our end of the telephone:

"I'd like to complain about this Vision service!"
"Ok then, I'll get you through to the right people in a mo, what don't you like about it?"
"It's made my TV go all funny!"
"Eh? How?"
"Well, yesterday me and my wife sat down to watch a film that some friends had recommended to us, and as soon as we watched it all the colour drained from our tele, except for the odd bit!"
"Which film was this?"
"Schindler's List!"
My hand moved to my mute button so far you'd think it had food on it.
"Sir, had you not seen that film before?"
"No, why?"
"Sir, the film is supposed to be in black and white, with the odd splash of colour - from memory the scene with the girl in the red dress, and also the flame on a candle. It's not a problem with the service, it's the cinematography of the film."
"I bet I'm the stupidest person you've spoken to today, aren't I? Please don't make any notes about this on my account!"
"Of course not sir, and honestly, you're not nearly stupid enough to make it into today's blog." (I lied.)

And the lovely journalists at the Sheffield Star are up in arms about the fact that a Google search for Francesca Anobile (the straight-A student who didn't realise sled + fence = death) brings up Sickipedia as the fourth highest link. Their forums are up in arms (those of them that have arms anyway) about the fact that people are making light of such a tragedy. I wonder how many of those readers have ever laughed at or passed on a black humour joke themselves?

On a similar subject, I put it here in writing that if I do die in a public way and people make funny jokes about me, please for god's sake post them on here/my Twitter/my Facebook page. Find the fun!