Thursday, October 30, 2008

What if?

The first in an irregular series.

What if Joss Whedon wrote High School Musical?

No, don't laugh. He's got experience - even if you shunned the Buffy musical episode "Once More With Feeling" (shame on you!), this summer's Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog should have set you straight on his pedigree. Plus, if you're over the age of 8 and/or male, you'll need a healthy dose of wit to counteract the Disney saccharine overdose. He's written for Mouschwitz before (1995's Toy Story). Who better to pen this generation's answer to Grease?

How would it differ?
  • The basketball team would finally believe this is their year if they "don't keep having so many mysterious deaths".
  • The basketball coach who looks like Nathan Fillion would actually be played by Nathan Fillion. He would also be funnier, wear a long brown coat and make unseemly references to his hammer.
  • Gabriella would turn down a short annoying nerd who asks her out in the first act.
  • Troy would have a younger sister called River, who speaks with a strange evenness, selects her words a shade too precisely and is a ballet dancer.
  • The camp, possibly gay "bad guy" brother of the main villian will be actually gay, witty, and probably played by Tom Lenk.
  • The main villian/cheerleader/whatever will actually have some character depth to her and do well on standardised tests.
  • The captain of the cheerleading squad will, in a break from the norm, be the archtypal bad girl who strangely has cheerleading experience.
  • A main character will suddenly appear halfway through. This will not be commented upon, and in fact the main cast will act like they've always been there.
  • The character who likes baking will be renamed Ben, and instead of baking will have a thing for occasionally dressing as a woman and acting like a goddess.
  • The science nerds will have goggles to add to their lab coats, be seeking wonderflonium and have a disturbing relationship with the equestrian club.
  • The principal will be played by Adam Baldwin, who will not only steal every scene, but enjoy lording his position of power over the basketball coach.
  • Gabriella and Troy will finally get together, shortly before she is shot by the short irritating nerd she rejected early on. Possibly from the clocktower with a high powered rifle, just to fit in.

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